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Saturday, October 08, 2005

Wha's like us? (damm few an' there a' deed)

Someone told me once that, although it has no Baseball team, more Baseball bats are sold in Glasgow than in any other city in the UK. I often allude to this statistic when seeking to irritate my Weegie office mate when he is indulging in one of his all too frequent denunciations of the f*****g English (studying as he does the Scottish wars of independence). Yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine who reads medicine. He and his classmates have been looking at slides of knife wounds this week and the 'dear green place' has been most forthcoming with examples. Apparently, the Stanley knife is the weapon of choice for the average Weegie hood. However, news has percolated back to the streets that such wounds are particularly easy to stitch up. Thus a new instrument has been invented: the double-Stanley. This consists of two Stanley knives masking-taped together with a match stick separating the two blades. This carves a strip of flesh out of the face which it is downright impossible to stitch back without a horrific scar, if at all. They say Scotland has more inventors per capita than any other country in the world...